So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
