I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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