can u get pink eye on your cock?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
