You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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