I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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