you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
