i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
