I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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