My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
