btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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