What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
