WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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