There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i would punch a child for taco bell
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
