hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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