Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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