You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
