just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
