So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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