My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
