Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
