I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
