so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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