i jhust puked up my retainher.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
