Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
do herpes really smell.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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