Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
