It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
