Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize