just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
