i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
