Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize