8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
