I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
