Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
