Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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