She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize