And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
there is glitter all over my balls
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize