Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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