i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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