Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
