We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
