she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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