Michael Bay diarrhea
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
