Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
