i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Panties = found
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
