I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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