don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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