I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize