i just made my gag reflex go away.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
