Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
