I didn't shave. On purpose
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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