no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
