he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
