i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
