I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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