I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
