i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We're too hungover to prance.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
