Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
