For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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