I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
