someone get that fucking seahorse.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
