Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
