any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
