people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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