I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize