If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
