why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
