I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
