My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
