Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
