wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
