Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize