just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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