literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
