Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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