is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
