Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
